How to have Confidence

Would you like to be more confident? Confidence is key in anything we do. I share about it in this video.

Confidence is something people see in us when we believe in ourselves. It is an inner hope that things will work out. Arrogance is an unhealthy view of one’s self. Confidence is not arrogance because it does not result when we hurt others. A confident person believes in themselves and that belief leads them to take action.

A confident person can make a mistake and not beat themselves up. Failure or mistakes are a natural part of life. Beating yourself up over a mistake is more about an ego that needs to be checked. Ego says ‘if I had just done it this way then…’ Even if you did do it the way your ego thinks it should have been done, the fact that the ego is suggesting another way means it needs to be checked.

A confident person will not belittle others or treat others unfairly. An arrogant person must make others feel small because they thrive off the opinions of others. Whereas a confident person has a steadfast belief in themselves through a healthy perspective. Both contentment and happiness are byproducts of a confident person.

Would you like to be more confident? You can be. Start by changing the way you speak to yourself. If you have negative self-talk then your ego is out of control. The more positively you talk to yourself the more you begin to build a belief in who God has made you. All the confidence you will ever need is already within your soul, it just got stuffed down with all your negative self-talk.

Be you and everything will work out.

How to Create Growth

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Fear of failure was something that kept me from living life. However, fear of failure prevents us from evolving becoming who we are meant to be.

Nobody wants to be made the fool. In high school, I was known as a shy person. In fact, I would tell people that I am shy at first until you get to know me. However, I was actually intimidated and was fearful to meet new people.

I was such a quiet individual. I allowed my fears to mute my personality.

I do not like labels of introvert or extrovert, because labels limit people. A phrase I tend to say to myself almost daily is other people’s opinions are none of my business. The phrase has taught me not to assume what somebody else is thinking.

Improving my self-image or what I thought about myself also empowered me to be comfortable with who I am. Once, I liked me then it became easier to try and experience new things. So below is the process to get out of your shell and create some growth in your life.

  1. Form a healthy perspective of you. You do not need to be Narcissistic or arrogant, but love being around you. I did this through meditation as well as with affirmations. Over time I came to believe the positive things I said about myself.
  2. Create small daily goals that lead to the big goal that you have. For example, I started this blog as a way to motivate myself to write. Now I have published a book and created a YouTube Channel. The Link is below.  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMlQLSzdzecGj-Jt0UIIcpw?view_as=subscriber
  3. Learn to motivate yourself. If you are going to maximize your life then you’ll need to learn how to motivate you. Your body is the servant of your mind, not the other way around.

Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid to not try. Growth can only happen when we take a risk. So take a chance on yourself, I bet you’ll surprise you.

What are you Thankful for?

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It is November and also a time to look at our lives and ask what are we most thankful for?

Gratitude is the attitude. It was my former brother-in-law who taught me the value of saying ‘thank you’. However, it was not until later in life that I understood the value of gratitude and what it does to the soul. Gratitude is like a spark for a soul that is troubled.

I have written numerous times about my struggles with mental health and what I have learned is that the more grateful I am the more my problems simply disappear. If you are familiar with the American Holiday of Thanksgiving then you know it is a time to gather with family and friends and to be thankful. However, I’d like to challenge you to each day either to tell, text, or write a note to someone about why you are thankful for them.

If you will do this each day of this month then by the end of it you will notice how your attitude will change for the better. Gratitude is the attitude.

How to Stop Scaring Yourself

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Anxiety and stress are real, however, the problem is that we are the ones creating it. In essence, when we experience anxiety or stress we are the ones doing it to ourselves. I know this because I’ve lived it.

Have you ever been home alone and you hear a noise? I’ve had this happen numerous times to me. I get up and scour the house looking for signs of a burglar, but what I would really do if I found them? Yell, Boo! I am sure that would not scare them.

We all face pressures in life and sometimes we can be our own worst enemy when comes to our thoughts. Our imagination was designed to help not hurt us. Sometimes we can imagine the worst and when the worst happens it only confirms what we created in our imagination. It is the reason why athletes will spend time before a game envisioning being success in order that when the game happens it is just them repeating what they mentally have rehearsed.

Our imagination is a powerful tool! Would you like to read about the good news? You have one. Therefore, use your imagination each day for positive things to happen in your life. It is not wishing but creating.

How do you do this? Spend some time each day mentally walking through your day. Also, make a vision board of things and people you want in your life. When stress or anxiety arise, stop and take a deep breath. Become aware of what you are doing. Then replace that thought with a positive one.

It’ll take effort but you becoming self-aware will be huge for your life. I realize you might be thinking that all of this is too much work. I get it. I’ve been there. However, what is the alternative? You live your life continually scaring yourself? That is no way to live. Be kind to you.

How to Think Differently

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Our thoughts become things. Therefore, it is important what we allow ourselves to think about us, others, certainly the way we see the world.

I’ve shared before how for most of my life, even well into adulthood I have struggled with how I thought. I knew how to blame others as well as to play the victim. However, I was not a victim it was just a role I choose to play in the theater of my life. The world was not as I saw it, but rather how I decided to interpret it.

How does one begin to think differently? Is it just thinking positively? Well yes and no. Thinking positive thoughts is a start in the right direction. It is more about positive being and positive envisioning. By positive being, I simply mean that it includes positive thoughts as well as a positive attitude no matter. I decided I would interpret my environment positively rather than ‘going there.’

‘Going there’ was my code for the negative, doubt-filled story I told myself. I liked to ‘go there’ because I got something out of it. However, it never helped and perpetuated the lie about me. Positive being means to guard your thoughts and not allow yourself to ‘go there.’ Love who you are and respect the decisions that you made.

The conversation you have with yourself is the most important one can have every day. Martin Luther once said about thoughts that you cannot stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from building a nest. Negative thoughts will pop in there from time to time, but you do not have to allow them to build a nest and bring you down.

You got this!

How to Choose Yourself

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I just love this image. It is a good reminder that every day we receive the opportunity to choose who we will be that day. 

I can remember back in the day having a conversation with my dad about Tony Bennett. Bennett had just done his MTV Unplugged and I told my dad I liked his music. Yet my father was quick to say, ‘you only like him because of MTV.’ I could not argue his logic, because I was unaware of Bennett beforehand.

The conversation did help me to understand how much we are influenced and/or swayed by media and pop culture. It is not necessarily a bad thing. So much of who we are today is a result of our past experiences, thoughts, media/books, and family. This can be a good or bad thing depending upon your perspective.

For me, I took a hard look at myself and did not like the person I had become. I was plagued by self-doubt, anxiety, and was addicted to negative thoughts. Most of my negative thinking was about my past, which only depressed me. I was a miserable person and it was all a result of my own creation.

What changed? I woke one day and realized I was 40 years old and this was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I decided I would write out who I wanted to be and how I would act. The more I wrote the more the desire to be that person was stirred up in my heart. Every day I made a conscious choice to be that person and to leave the other guy in the past.

Making a change can be scary because of the unknown, but let me reassure you that it can also be the best thing that ever happened to you. Who would you like to be today? It is ultimately your choice. Thanks!

How to Enjoy Life

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There is much talk about mental health today and that is a good thing. When I went through my struggles I realized that I needed to start supporting myself rather than being my own worst enemy. 

Some of the cruelest things that I have ever thought were not directed toward any particular enemy or situation, but rather at myself by myself. One of the things Allen Watts said, was that constantly talking to yourself is not really thinking. It is just chatter or noise.

The statement stopped me and I realized that this whole time I was the one causing myself to be upset or depressed based on the things I told myself that I thought other people thought. Former NFL Quarterback Ryan Leaf, who has struggled with mental health issues said that he reminds himself daily that “Other people’s opinions are none of my business.” I have no right to think for them or to impose a judgment upon myself through them.

It is a daily habit to be positive and support myself. I have made being depressed a way of life for most of my life so it is time to give myself permission to be supported. If you do not support you then no one else will. Support yourself with kind words.

I like this video from Mad TV with Bob Newhart. If you are beating yourself up like I did then like the video, stop it. 

How to Go with the Flow

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Have you ever had a bad day? I’ll share a tip how you can avoid having any more bad days. 

I admit it. I have had my fair share of bad days. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. However, what does that phrase even mean and how can a side of the bed be wrong? Or rather does starting our day have anything to do with what we tell ourselves the night before? I believe it does.

Usually when we have a bad day it is because we are worried about something in future or depressed about something in the past. We go to bed thinking about this and then our subconscious mind thinks about it all night so when we get up we have been cooking for a while with these bad thoughts. Hence bad thoughts will only produce a bad next day.

Allen Watts said, “When you swim you don’t grab a hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax and float…” 

Relax. Whatever it is that is worrying you, understand that God has already figured it out. Therefore, stop trying to grab the water. You cannot anyways. Instead go with the flow and allow it to be whatever it may. A bad day is just a label we ascribe.

Have a great day!

Why you are not broken

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It is a popular thing for people to say that they are broken. However, upon looking at what it means to be broken we can realize the blessing that is in it.

An important element of brokenness to understand is that it is the past and you are now not living there. When we declare we are broken it is an affirmation of judgment upon ourselves that leaves no hope for any change.

God has already made you whole and you only need to step into who you are created to be. Spending your time thinking you are broken will only immobilize you further and prevent you from enjoying the present moment.

The past is the past and needs to stay there. You are here now. Whatever happened back in the past is still back there and it is not your present or future. Unless you desire you past to determine your fate. Whatever you focus on, is what is created more of in your life. You are already whole and do not need to fix something.

You are not broken and in fact you never were, it was just a story that you repeated to yourself until you made it true. The truth is you have always been loved and are whole. You are an awesome created being, meant for more in this life. What will you do today?

Balancing Ownership in Life

 

 

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We live in a world of blame and scapegoating. We want people to ‘own’ there stuff. However, a person who owns it does not deserve to be blamed either. 

I used to be that type of person who was great at pointing the finger at others. It was never my fault. I had a bunch of excuses for everything that did not work out. However, it took me losing my job and almost eventually losing my wife that made me wake up.

When I understood that my thoughts create my world then my attitude toward my situations changed. I began to take ownership for my life, feelings, and thoughts. My marriage improved and my career got on track. However, as I went through this idea of ‘owning it’ I realized I needed to balance some things out in my life.

Ownership does not mean you neglect your feelings or stuff them. It actually means to acknowledge them and then move on. The moving on part is key, because when we dwell too long in them it can lead to complaining. When I complain I lose energy, when I move on and work on it I gain energy. Complaining is like a vampire, it sucks and it sucks your energy.

Get your feelings out, but resist the need to blame a person or situation. Often the answer for why you are upset lies in your past. Your past lends the context, but you are not your past.

A healthy perspective would be for all to realize we all have a hand in the cookie jar. It is never just only one person’s fault. It is not okay for us to blindly point fingers and scapegoat an individual or to demonize a person. When we all ‘own it’ the world tends to be a better place for all of us.

For example, when an employee messes, yes it is their fault, but it is also the supervisor’s responsibility. When we all ‘own it’ instead of blame it is a healthier place to be in.

Another example, when your child gets in trouble at school try to look beyond the problem and into the why. Ask yourself, why did they feel the need to do the thing? What are they saying? Is it the child’s fault for getting into trouble? Yes. But understanding the why helps you solve the real issue.

When we seek to understand the reason why a person acted a certain way then we realize the context. It does not mean the person gets a pass, but does however aid us in resolving it.